Lebanon Reporter

February 20, 2014

Just about enough talk about snow, so don't mention it


Lebanon Reporter

---- — Enough has been written about the snow as of late, so please stop me if I again start talking about those wicked ice crystals. It seems that we are in the very early stages of another ice age. We’ve had snow on the ground for most of the winter even if it was only a stray pile scattered about our retail parking lots. With every new snowfall, the aging snow is beginning to freeze into solid layers, more resembling the landscape at our South Pole. If this winter continues to bombard us with copious amounts of record snowfall, many of us will eventually become frozen fossils that won’t be discovered for several thousand years. Will they wonder how we met our demise? Will there be future scientists who will try to figure out what our last meal was? Surely there will be some college-educated astronomers coming up with a theory about a comet crashing into Earth’s atmosphere causing complete and utter devastation. I doubt that anyone will theorize our society was brought to an end by something called “global warming”!It’s Monday morning and the weather forecasters were originally predicting a day of warmer temperatures and a deluge of rainfall, but as I listened to yesterday’s weathermen, they had decided to call for more snow with a dash of sleet and freezing rain thrown in for good measure. Of course, this forecast is subject to change, depending on which television station that you are listening to. Wonderful, I will get to spend another six or seven hours pushing snow with my large broom and piling it ever higher with my 20-year old snow shovel. All of this, of course, being accomplished while I zip around in my electric buggy. I use to call it my electric chair, but that sounded like I was sitting on death row waiting for my last meal that would consist of fried catfish, hush puppies, fried okra, cauliflower salad and any type of homemade cream pie. At first it seemed that today’s storm was moving in early because as I was walking Ginger down Hoy, we were being hammered by high winds and sleet pellets. Luckily, it was just a fleeting occurrence and stopped once we reached the warm confines of our home. As of yet, I have been unable to take my lovely wife out for Valentine’s Day, but hopefully that will be rectified today if we can make it to the Cracker Barrel before our weather begins to go down hill.I hired my grandkids to help with the snow removal this past Sunday. Our granddaughter lasted five minutes, while our oldest grandson kept working for seven whole minutes. Our youngest grandson, being only 3 years of age, out worked everyone including his Poppy. Before I knew it, he was halfway down the street shoveling our neighbor’s sidewalk. All in all, this cost me a whopping $10 dollars, most of which, Anthony, our youngest received. He has come to expect payment whenever the snow begins to fly. Once he came over and threw a tantrum because I wouldn’t let him go out while it was way below zero. He sure is learning the value of a dollar. If he were outside shoveling in the dark, he would have no trouble seeing because his bright, blue eyes would light up his pathway!Luckily, my wife is off for Presidents Day and can stay home and watch me diligently working to clear away today’s ice and snow. I had a preacher tell me one time that since I was disabled, all I ever do is sit in my chair and watch television. Anyone who comes by our home, whether it be winter, spring, summer or fall, will usually see me outside tinkering in our yard planting flowers or watering our many plants. I figure it is much more beneficial for me to keep busy doing something for as long as I am able to. It has to be a whole lot better shoveling snow or watering flowers than it is to be pushing up daisies.

Glory be, we did get out for our belated Valentine’s meal and arrived home just as the freezing rain was commencing to coat everything in sight. As I stumbled around spreading salt on our brick porch and ramp, the frigid liquid began making it next to impossible to complete the task. Once I had put enough salt down to guarantee that it would track into the house, the assault of the falling ice retreated. Go Figure!I have said and often heard others saying the same thing, “I don’t mind the snow, but I hate the ice.” I know black ice is really bad, but isn’t snow ice as well? My piles of winter’s wrath are increasing in size with every new winter storm. Pretty soon Lebanon will have its very own mountain range. We are going to need some mountains so that we can keep our heads above water once the spring thaw starts in earnest. I think that I’d rather deal with shoveling snow than filling sandbags. I’ve done both and let me tell you, those 90 pound bags of sand really start becoming heavy after two or three hours. I can’t even remember, did we have a white Christmas or not in 2013?Well, I’m so glad that I didn’t stray onto the subject of snow this week as it would have been rather depressing for all of us concerned. So after you read this column, be aware that Saturday is supposed to bring more of that four letter word. I didn’t want to say snow!Contact Ray Snoke at shark_guy2@yahoo.com.