I guess when you start getting older, your mind and body begin to give you an entirely different perspective on winter. At this very moment I’m trapped inside my cozy, warm home, which, I might add, isn’t a bad thing. But at the same time, it drives me crazy because I can’t even get outside to clear a path for my poor dog Ginger to use the facilities. Trying to talk her into sitting on the toilet is all but impossible. Even with the temperature hovering somewhere between zero and a thousand degrees below zero, I use to march outside and shovel snow to my heart’s content, without even noticing just how cold it really was. Oh sure, I would have icicles hanging from my beard, giving me the appearance of being a walrus, but that didn’t really bother me. However, I’m sure that my wife didn’t appreciate it, especially when I would approach her for a warm smooch or when my ice formations would begin to melt and run down the front of my shirt. Instead of running outside to rev up the snow blower, I have to wait for our son to come over and do it for us. He wanted to come out during the heart of the storm Sunday, and begin to clear away the many inches of snow that had begun to blanket our corner lot in paradise. But worrying about his safety, I said wait until the storm passes. Why I said that, I’m not really certain, since I had been doing the very same thing for years. But you know there is a big difference when it is one of your grown children who is taking the risk of freezing to death. Even though he is 20-some years old and a member of the Indiana National Guard, his mother and I still worry about him. I don’t really remember my Dad worrying about me becoming a frozen TV dinner. Dad would just say, “Why don’t you get busy clearing the snow out of our driveway?”Luckily, my wife has taken a week’s vacation and does not have to venture out into the frozen tundra this week. She gets to relax and take care of me, cook the meals and clean the house. Did I forget to mention she also has to chase after our cat because he has decided to forget how to use the litter box? Postscript, he is soon to be our former cat. He is either going to have to find a new home, or he will set a brand new record for a cat using up all of his nine lives at one time.I spent most of Sunday arguing with the newscasters on TV. I do this a lot, but it always ends up being a one-sided conversation. It irks me to no end when they will say one thing about the weather and in the next breath, say something totally different. I would hate to have a job that depended on natural disasters or some other such calamities to happen, just so I would continue to be employed. Sometimes it seems that to qualify to work for a news network, you must have within your genes a little bit of vulture. If I could draw cartoon characters, I would create a comic strip showing two vultures sitting on a dead tree with a microphone in one hand and a script in the other as they looked down on someone’s misfortunes.
With orders for all nonessential traffic to stay off of the roads so that emergency workers can do there jobs, why do we need the news vehicles driving around showing us that the snow is now too cold to pack into a snowball? Last evening, one of the weathermen had dug a snow cave and was lying in it broadcasting the local weather. He jokingly said, “I will add on a couple of more rooms so my colleagues can join me.” All of this was being said while thousands of people had been without power for more than seven hours. Unfortunately, I have had to deal with the media many times over the years while working disaster scenes, and have come to realize that some people who report the news can come across as being somewhat heartless or callous. One of the most common questions that has been asked of victims of tragic events is, “Just how do you feel now that this has happened to your family?” However, I must give praise to the people who do give responsible accounts of important events that can affect all of us, especially during times of severe weather.
Oh, I’m so very happy now, my sweet Ginger was able to successfully do her business outside in the deep snow. Upon finishing what she had to do, Ginger quickly retreated to the warmth of her home, on my Duck Dynasty rug that lies near the fireplace.
Yes, for some reason, she has taken a liking to the “bearded ones,” just like her daddy.
Well, we know that the sun will shine again and the temperature will climb once again above freezing, and all of this snow will soon be nothing more than a distant memory.
Over time, the stories will be retold about the January snowstorm of 2014, and just like other tales, the snow will become deeper with the passing of time and the temperature will drop five or ten degrees with each new generation.
People of Boone County, as you lay your head on the pillow tonight, think just how bad this storm could have been if it were not for “Global Warming” that is shaking this world to its foundation. Sleep long and peaceful my fellow citizens, for when we awaken, spring will be knocking on our doorstep.
Contact Raymond Snoke at firstname.lastname@example.org.