Lebanon Reporter

Columns

January 9, 2014

The weather outside is frightful, but my wife's hot soup is delightful

I guess when you start getting older, your mind and body begin to give you an entirely different perspective on winter. At this very moment I’m trapped inside my cozy, warm home, which, I might add, isn’t a bad thing. But at the same time, it drives me crazy because I can’t even get outside to clear a path for my poor dog Ginger to use the facilities. Trying to talk her into sitting on the toilet is all but impossible. Even with the temperature hovering somewhere between zero and a thousand degrees below zero, I use to march outside and shovel snow to my heart’s content, without even noticing just how cold it really was. Oh sure, I would have icicles hanging from my beard, giving me the appearance of being a walrus, but that didn’t really bother me. However, I’m sure that my wife didn’t appreciate it, especially when I would approach her for a warm smooch or when my ice formations would begin to melt and run down the front of my shirt. Instead of running outside to rev up the snow blower, I have to wait for our son to come over and do it for us. He wanted to come out during the heart of the storm Sunday, and begin to clear away the many inches of snow that had begun to blanket our corner lot in paradise. But worrying about his safety, I said wait until the storm passes. Why I said that, I’m not really certain, since I had been doing the very same thing for years. But you know there is a big difference when it is one of your grown children who is taking the risk of freezing to death. Even though he is 20-some years old and a member of the Indiana National Guard, his mother and I still worry about him. I don’t really remember my Dad worrying about me becoming a frozen TV dinner. Dad would just say, “Why don’t you get busy clearing the snow out of our driveway?”Luckily, my wife has taken a week’s vacation and does not have to venture out into the frozen tundra this week. She gets to relax and take care of me, cook the meals and clean the house. Did I forget to mention she also has to chase after our cat because he has decided to forget how to use the litter box? Postscript, he is soon to be our former cat. He is either going to have to find a new home, or he will set a brand new record for a cat using up all of his nine lives at one time.I spent most of Sunday arguing with the newscasters on TV. I do this a lot, but it always ends up being a one-sided conversation. It irks me to no end when they will say one thing about the weather and in the next breath, say something totally different. I would hate to have a job that depended on natural disasters or some other such calamities to happen, just so I would continue to be employed. Sometimes it seems that to qualify to work for a news network, you must have within your genes a little bit of vulture. If I could draw cartoon characters, I would create a comic strip showing two vultures sitting on a dead tree with a microphone in one hand and a script in the other as they looked down on someone’s misfortunes.

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