Lebanon Reporter

Columns

August 21, 2012

Searching for just the right occurrence

(Continued)

My wife suggested I go out to the garage for an occurrence. “Dick, don’t you see what a disgusting mess it is, filled with old empty paint cans, floor mats, rusty tools, decayed fertilizer, animal droppings and dry-rotted automobile tires? Doesn’t it make you realize how desperately you need to clean it up?”

“Sorry, it never occurred to me.”

I was getting desperate. My plan had failed. I was doing a heck of a lot of occurring, yet it was all essentially humorless. But there was one place I had not yet occurred — a place just ripe for a funny occurrence: The kitchen. I raced into the room and swung open the refrigerator door. Suddenly, dozens of good things started occurring to me. It occurred to me how many food items had passed their expiration date; it occurred to me how many tasteless non-fat foods were in our fridge; it occurred to me how many empty containers were on the shelves. I was in heaven. I told my wife all my funny occurrences.

“That’s great, Dick. But Dave Barry, Art Buchwald, Andy Rooney and Jerry Seinfeld have already written about that very topic. In fact, if I remember correctly, so have you.”

Yes, I was having trouble occurring, so I simply reoccurred.

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