Lebanon Reporter


July 18, 2012

James Arness is not in Tokyo


I was surprised on a couple of levels. “ Really? Why are they buried in Japan?” 

“ Why wouldn’t they be buried in Japan?” 

“ I don’t know, I mean, were they in a plane crash there or something?” 

Let me note, I feel as though any miscommunications that occur at 4 p.m. Tokyo time should not be held against me as it is only 3 a.m. Indiana time.

In a bewildered voice he asked, “ What on earth are you talking about?!” 

In an equally bewildered and somewhat exasperated voice I responded, “ Why are there six cast members from the show Gunsmoke buried in Japan?!” 

He lovingly responded, “ Are you stupid, or are you trying to be funny?” 

In an equally loving tone I replied, “ Apparently, I’m STUPID because I don’t know what the heck you’re talking about!” 

“ I’m definitely not talking about the television show Gunsmoke!”  His voice dripped with condescension. “ I’ve never met anybody that doesn’t know what a Shogun is.” 

“ Well, allow me to introduce myself. I’m the idiot that married you 20 years ago, and I’ve never once heard you mention a Shogun.” 

As it turns out, Shoguns were military dictators in Japan between 1192 and 1867. This is apparently common knowledge amongst American children who take karate. I took ballet. I doubt hubby even knows the meaning of the word pirouette.

Also, due to his childhood karate days, he can count in Japanese.

And not just to 10, like in Spanish or German. I had no idea he possessed this talent, until he got home, and I asked if he’d picked up any Japanese words.

“ Ichi, Ni, San, Shi, Go, Roku, Shichi, Hachi, Ku, Ju …”  he continued until I made him stop. And then I made him do it again because it was kind of a turn-on.

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