Lebanon Reporter

Local Sports

September 28, 2012

Make the Cubs go away

— Like me, channel surfers everywhere may have stumbled upon the single most disturbing event in the history of television last night.

And before you guess, it wasn’t the Dancing With the Stars All Star competition or a replay of Piers Morgan's interview with a perpetually incoherent Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, rather it was the fact the Chicago Cubs are still playing baseball.

Finding out the Cubs are still playing baseball is like discovering Branson actually has a Neil Diamond Tribute show. And at 59-97 it’s no stretch to say the ticket to see a fake Neil Diamond 2,000 miles from the real Las Vegas is likely hotter than anything Wrigley can offer.  

In fact something tells me more people would walk across the street to see how many pork rinds Honey Boo Boo can eat before throwing up than those who would actually want to see the Cubs play.

The Cubs should do their fans, Cooperstown, all competitive sports everywhere - including Jai Alai - and the integrity of the game a favor and stop playing baseball as soon as possible. In fact maybe the Diamondbacks could play the replacement refs tonight in Arizona to give MLB ratings a temporary bump.

Since mid June the Cubs season has been dying a slow death; like a Billy the Kid has already emptied his six shooter and they’re still clinging to life with garbled groans kind of slow.

Call them what you will: a hot mess, a dumpster fire or God’s gift to perpetual disappointment, the Cubs are on a fast track to whatever the next stop beyond irrelevance is. This isn’t uncharted territory for the Northsiders of course.

But the Cubs brass better do something in the next seven months or the only thing their ticket takers will be gathering next season is cobwebs.

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