Published: January 07, 2009 08:45 am         

Food for health is food for thought

My wife is getting very interested in nutrition. I knew this would happen as soon as she got her AARP card. And to make matters worse she has subscribed to this publication called Prevention Digest. It’s about the same size as Reader’s Digest, but it is absolutely nothing like Reader’s Digest — with one exception: The word “digest” is all over the place.

You see, the purpose of this annoying little magazine is to basically give you the latest inane research on all the foods you can and can’t eat. And my wife, who is too busy during the day to read all her periodicals, has decided to quote the magazine in the car on our way out to dinner.

“Wow, listen to this. Men who ate one handful of peanuts a day were 14% less likely to have a stroke.”

“That may be true. I’ve never seen an elephant with a walker.”

“Oh, here’s one. They did a study with women who wear completely natural fibers like 100 percent wool and cashmere. And guess what those women are 23 percent less likely to have?”

“A bad shopping spree?”

“No, osteoporosis. And listen to this. Men 50 and over — that’s you — who eat fish just once a month are 30 percent less likely to have a heart attack and will live 10 years longer.”

“Wow, now that is amazing!”

“Yes, and if fish didn’t stink up the house, we could try that.”

“Look, this is crazy. Where should we go for dinner?”

“Maybe Baskin Robbins. Listen to this: Chocolate is actually good for you. It says here that chocolate contains anti-oxidants and that it can prolong your life. But it also says that chocolate contains calories and fat that can cause obesity and heart disease. I guess that’s not all good news.

“No, Dear. That’s why they call it bitter-sweet chocolate.”

“First of all, it’s semi-sweet chocolate — and secondly, how come you get all the clever lines?”

“Keep reading.”

“OK. They did a study with 500 nurses. Half ate regular mayonnaise and half ate low-fat mayonnaise and guess what they found?”

“The low-fat mayonnaise nurses were more likely to marry a doctor?”

“No, wise guy, the regular mayonnaise nurses actually had lower cholesterol.”

“Really?”

“And Dick, guess what the real mayonnaise nurses also had?”

“Not a clue.”

“Better BLTs.”

“That’s not in the magazine.”

“No, but now we’re even on that chocolate comeback.”

“Tell me more.”

“OK, according to this magazine, couples who eat out more than twice a week have a 12 percent greater chance of having a car accident.”

“Put the magazine away, Mary Ellen.”

“Let me ask you this, Dick. Do you get your pulse rate up to 180 at least once a day?”

“Yes. Three cups of coffee usually does the trick in the morning. Listening to you read this magazine has also been incredibly effective.”

The other day I opened the mail and noticed that my wife had bought a copy of The Prevention Cookbook, which doesn’t have quite the same allure to me as The Joy of Cooking. In this book, they not only tell you the number of calories and the amount of fat that each dish has, but they tell you how long you’ll live if you eat that recipe every day for the rest of your life.

Here’s their meatloaf recipe:

Half pound of no-fat sausage

Three oz. of soy milk

6 oz. of hummus

12 peanuts

2 oz. skim milk

1 cup wheat germ

3 leaves fresh chopped spinach

Mary Ellen made me mix this stuff up and form a hamburger patty; then she made me grill it outside on my Weber.

Was it good? I don’t really know for sure. But the dog is going to live to be 100.

     

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